Day 2 Part 2: Kokorokoko

So. Girl 2 googled something like “best thrift stores in Chicago” or whatever, and chose Kokorokoko from a list of 5 compiled by some Chicagoan because the description mentioned the possibility of hypercolor t-shirts. Unfortunately/predictably Girl 2 failed to notice that the list of stores and their addresses was compiled back in 2009 and thus, did not list the stores' current addresses.  When they pulled up to some sort of toilet store, they realized they’d been foiled (again) by Girl 2’s laissez-faire googling.  Not swag.

SwagBabe set them back on track with a more accurate google and an updated address, and a few minutes later the girls nailed yet another Costanza-worthy parking spot in front of THIS gem:

Check out that frontage, yo! (If you didn’t know, frontage means the façade of a building, or something. Hi Alea!)

Belinda Carlisle, you wise old B. You were right all along. Ooh, heaven IS a place on earth. 

The girls stepped out of the car and the sky opened up and the thrift store genie promptly sucked them up straight into the shimmering heaven that is Kokorokoko. Members-only jackets.  California Raisin figurines.  Vintage 80’s Playboy mags.  Neon. Vintage cigarette tank tops.  Lucky rabbit feet.  Lighters with nakey babes on them.  A cigarette case adorned with an enameled cat. Everything impeccably organized and expertly curated by the store’s owner, Sasha, a total Betty with a fetching haircut, an impeccable sense of personal style and a discerning eye for fashion.

Also, you guys…THIS song was playing in the store:

Girl 2 clearly swooned in her pants but quickly recovered when she discovered a Samantha Fox t-shirt, which Sasha explained she had acquired from one of her clients, an O.G. punk rock German gentleman with tattoos on his head who typically only dealt in rad and rare 80s zippered jackets, but who one day called Sasha to relay the contents of his forthcoming rad jacket delivery and gruffly/Germanly declared, “Oh. And I vill be bringing you a Samantha Fox t-shirt.” 

Yup.

Naturally Girl 2 snapped that baby up faster than you can say Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Anyway, for practically two hours the girls pranced around the store pretending they owned the place (they WISH) and chatting with Sasha about the history behind the store’s name (she came up with it years back during a hypothetical discussion about what her name would be if she were a drag queen), swapping life stories (Sasha was crackin’ eggs of wisdom, Girl 2 was fryin’ them up in her brain-pan and gobbling down wisdom-omelettes) and trying on her various wares.  

SwagBabe modeled a fly hot pink one-piece bathing suit in which she looked like a jaw-dropping smokeshow, and both Sasha and Girl 2 agreed it could easily be worn as a leotard under some bangin' cutoffs or whatever.  Heaven.

Slim P also did a fair amount of prancing of her own and was turning all kinds of heads, natch.

Also, please observe the poster Girl 2 found hanging in the bathroom:

Pass the smelling salts, s'il vous plait.

All in all, Girl 2 picked up some fetching little gifts of romance for a very special dude to add to his bag of swag (which to that point consisted entirely of the mustache disguise from an Ohio rest stop vending machine), SwagBabe picked up some great treats for a very surly dude back east, and the girls got back on the road feeling all snip-snap and coolified.

The bottom line here is that if you go to Chicago and don’t make time to visit Kokorokoko, you are fundamentally a bozo, my dear, and we want absolutely nothing to do with you ever again for the rest of your miserable life.

The other bottom line here is that WWHCD always works, and that visiting thrift stores on a cross-country road trip is infinitely better than visiting hellish historic landmarks.  (Barf/Gag me with a snap bracelet.)

Sasha, we love your guts.

Until we meet again,

2 Girls and a Slim Pug

Day 2 Part 1: WWHCD?

Given the many miles the girls would have to cover if they were to make their rapidly-approaching April 1 Seattle deadline, they begrudgingly decided to embrace a modicum of organization and forward thought. (Gross!) That meant determining the absolute most important thing to see and do in each city they stopped in. Of course, they never really knew which city they'd be stopping in until roughly an hour before they decided to stop, because ugh, who can be bothered?!  

So. 

The girls defaulted to their usual strategy, useful in any situation where one needs to make important and classy decisions: the WWHCD strategy.  In other words, What Would Hillary Clinton Do?

The answer was immediately clear.  The girls would visit one super cool thrift shop in each city.  (Hill gives the best advice.  Look at that face.  A picture of erudition. Thanks babe!)

P.S. Slim P made solid arguments for employing the WWCLD strategy (What Would Courtney Love Do?) but ultimately we decided to save that one for a rainy day, if you will.

More on Day 2 later.  You know what, let's make Day 2 a solid 3-part post because right now we have to attend to Day 3, which means tracking down this bar that serves champagne on tap aka SwagBabe's holy grail, obvi.  Girl loves her sparkles. 

Day One

Since planning ahead gives both girls the willies, they set out at 7 am on March 26th with a very solid plan to "figure it all out later".  While paying infinitely more attention to their iPod than their GPS,  they made it through Pennsylvania, Ohio and Indiana before pushing through to Chicago and meeting up with THIS total babe:

Ok Girl Two is an absolutely appalling photographer, but in case you can't tell it's the lovely and talented Ashlee Moskwa.  The girls found a parking spot that George Costanza himself would cherish, right in front of her fancy building.  They had dinner and beers at Stout and did lots of reminiscing before heading back to Ashlee's gorgeous apartment, where they spent the night.  Also, Ashlee lives down the street from a fancy princess castle:

This is a castle right in the middle of Chicago, erected in 1802 to house visiting European dignitaries and styled to mimic European castles of old so visitors would feel more at home.  Just kidding, I totally made that up. Don't ask Girl Two what the hell that actually is...it's some sort of princess castle landmark.  Probably a brothel.  Or like, an elementary school.  No idea.

Noteworthy: while dining at Stout, Girl Two realized that she was sitting with two girls with some of her most favorite handwriting of all time (Girl Two has a weird thing for cool handwriting).  Check out Ashlee's swag signature:

And SwagBabe's:

Crucial.  Anyway...some other things that happened prior to Chicago were that while in the passenger seat, Girl Two tried to remove orange streaks all over her arms caused by an absurdly misguided attempt at sunless tanning by smothering her skin in nail polish remover, courtesy of these adorable nail polish remover packets supplied by the one and only DJ (thanks babe!).  Needless to say, she almost asphyxiated the entire car, and is still woefully orange.  Also, she bought a  50-cent "Mustache Disguise" from a rest stop vending machine in Ohio as a romantic gift for a very special dude.

Additionally, a paunchy 50 year-old man claiming that he routinely hung out with Nirvana ("Dave Grohl is tall"), hung out with the Smashing Pumpkins in Milwaukee ("What's that guy's name?") and insisting that Eddie Vedder had tried to steal his ex-girlfriend ("Eddie Vedder has B.O. and is boring") tried to woo SwagBabe at an Ohio Starbucks.  SwagBabe was having none of it and sipped her green tea looking supremely disinterested as Girl Two dragged her away whispering about "human trafficking".

Also, c'maaan, the lead singer of the Smashing Pumpkins is Billy Corgan.  The girls listened to both discs of SwagBabe's copy of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (purchased from The Wall!) in his honor.

Slim P needs a cup of coffee (so demanding!) so we bid you adieu for now.

Two Girls and a Slim Pug Hit the Road

On March 26, 2014, two girls and a slim pug decided to drive from Connecticut to Seattle in order to timely deliver Girl One, a babely social worker with a heart of gold, a giant brain, and an ill pair of limited edition red Chuck Taylors, to her swag new adult job. Girl Two, a misanthropic malcontent with a fondness for Skittles, feminism and poor life decisions, was to play the role of sidekick/bodyguard ; Slim P was just along for the ride.  

Will they make it in time for SwagBabe's start date of April 1?  Will they embark upon a deep and emotional journey of self-disovery? Is it possible to survive on Pringles and Skittles alone?  Stay tuned to find out.